Debating the guilt of a parent who killed their Autistic kid…. There is no need to debate about parents being pushed to the edge by their children. You killed your kid, murder has no excuse. I don’t care if they were nonverbal or physically violent. You gave birth to your child, and they deserve love and understanding. A parent is never pushed to the edge, that is not a reason to kill. Neither is thinking your child won’t live a full life. The life they have is good enough, it’s your job to make the best of it. Don’t have a child if you can’t deal with the possibility of Autism.
Sometime, in moments of weakness, I wonder if Autism is really a curse. I mean you hear all this shit from Autism Speaks. What if they’re right. I have no empathy….I have a hard time connecting to others and can only feel it I’ve gone through the same thing. I do feel bad when someone tells me their kid is sick, but shouldn’t I feel it stronger. Am I really not empathetic? It’s true I can’t look people in the eye without panic. Why do I feel so scared right now?
Being disabled in America makes you a second class citizen or just completely invisible. Most people view us as broken. We are people too and we deserve the same opportunities. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a job when you are Autistic? Society is not designed for people with disabilities. Networking is hard, interviewing usually sucks and my brain functions opposite of typical people. Being Autistic means not being able to understand social hierarchy. The Autistic brain doesn’t sort people be importance, every one is equal unless you’ve do something to set yourself apart, usually academically.
I’ve asked myself over the years, “What is normal?” I spent years yearning to be normal. I was so different. I hated myself for most of my life because no matter how hard I tried I would never be what others wanted.
As I was being driven to the museum the other day I saw a billboard advertising pigment removal for your eyes. It only costs $5,000! ( sarcasm) The nice thing about eyes with higher pigmentation is the ability to deal with the sun. Blue eyes are the least tolerant.
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
Going on vacation is always a nerve wracking experience. All the new situations that come with travel(food, languages, climates, activities) are all novel to me. I panic in the beginning and then come to a simmering anxiety for the rest of the trip.
We were on the ship 3 days before we could get off. I puked the first. The boat was moving like a dolphin. ~~~~~ We went to the front desk and got some Dramamine. This helped with the sickness but didn’t help with my irritability and sensitivity to the rocking. I was in a pretty rotten mood until the ocean settled.
Our first stop was Haiti. We only got to see the portion the cruise company owned. I didn’t get to see any of the real Haiti. So I entertained myself walking along the beach collecting shell fragments. The ocean was too rocky to swim. We did get a picture of an octopus.
Our second stop was San Juan, Puerto Rico. Our excursion was tasting local foods. I find it very difficult to try new foods. Sometimes I gag. We got to try savory waffles with cheese and ham, which I enjoyed. Sans cheese. Next we tried Mofungo. This is a native dish containing plantains, chicken, butter, garlic, rice, and beans all mixed up together. I saw this and felt hopeless and sad at the same time. I had promised Van I would try new foods. I was so terrified that plantains tasted like bananas. Banana and chicken…. Luckily plantain is starchy, similar to a potato. Lastly, we had a cheese based flan. ‘Sirens,’ cheese and sweet together? Luckily, it tasted like the lite version of cheesecake. On our way back we saw many mango trees.
Our third stop was St. Thomas. We went snorkeling to see sea turtles and reef. I didn’t last to long because the equipment hurt my face and gave me sores in my mouth. At Christmas Cove I picked up beautiful, bright shell fragments and soft looking sea glass. I searched for more than an hour only to be told I couldn’t take what I collected on the ship. I trashed them and got pretty pissed.
Out last stop was St. Marten. This island was much more arid than I expected. It’s mountain were brown unlike tropical St. Thomas. Van and I went horseback riding it was something I pushed him to do. He has concluded that horses aren’t so scary. We saw cacti and iguanas and sea. My horse was pretty anal and would go out of line to walk around poop of the horse in front. My kind of horse!
Our trip went well and we learned many things! I think a road trip is in order.